Studying

There are two absolute truths: (1) I am always under siege by ADD; (2)I have no appreciable study skills.  If the information I have to learn cannot be easily reduced to flash cards, I don't really know what to do with it.  And if I do not have a definite action plan, ADD easily breaches the fortress like this:

Nevertheless, I decided to go to law school because I apparently forgot that I am lazy, and the indentured servitude (which will be required to pay back my loans) sucks.  So armed with visions of a world free of poverty and discrimination (attributable to my amazing lawyering skills) and an intense fear of failure, I sit down to study like a big girl.

Outlining like a pro!

Crucial to this plan is the fact that there is someone who could possibly see me in the event that I start doing weird shit instead of being productive.  Then they could judge me and I would feel sad.  A reasonable person would realize that people are self-centered and probably won't even notice a stranger doing doing weird shit.  I am not a reasonable person-- secretly, I am pretty sure that my life is a cartoon and my awkwardness is an extended joke to entertain the masses.  So in summary, my ability to be a grown up and accomplish things is largely dependent on peer pressure.  If left unsupervised, my will power quickly breaks down:

Suddenly, the words I am reading turn into nonsense.  My eyes read: "The jury's competence, unlike that of the judge, rests partly on its ability to reflect the perspectives, experiences, and values of the ordinary people in the community..."  By the time it gets to my brain, the words are completely devoid of all meaning.

Now that I no longer understand what I'm reading, the entire exercise seems pointless.  I begin to fantasize about more pleasant things like watching television while my textbook slowly burns to ashes.

I try to keep reading, because damn it, I am a grown up and I am spending a crap ton of imaginary money on this stupid degree.  But once I start thinking about television and destruction, I can't stop.  The stark contrast between the happy scenario of my imagination and the misery of outlining rapidly approaches critical mass.  My willpower shatters into a thousand little pieces.  Self control has been entirely consumed by ADD.

Next thing I know, I am watching nature programs on TV and snacking on freshly baked cookies, swaying and bouncing with joy.  The guilt pouts in the corner of my brain, nagging me that I'll have to do work at some point.  ADD could not care less.  ADD is busy dancing around like a cracked out kindergardener at Chuck E. Cheese's.

This is not good.  If this keeps up, I will be unable to recognize the material on the exam.

I will then fail law school, and spend the rest of my life living in a refrigerator box behind a McDonald's.